


Joining the Force

by The_nixie



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_nixie/pseuds/The_nixie
Summary: As Obi-Wan joins the living Force, he is forced to reconsider his life and actions. He relives his memories and sees things differently now.Cannon compliant as of now :)
Kudos: 8





	Joining the Force

**Author's Note:**

> As Obi-Wan joins the living Force, he is forced to reconsider his life and actions. This story is told in fragments. I hope it is not too confusing! Wow, angst is hard to write. I didn't realise it can leave you with a headache. I do have plans for Obi Wan's relationships with Bant, Satine, Qui Gon, Cody, Bail Organa and Ahsoka, but I have a busy schedule. So for now, this is just a one piece.
> 
> I took ideas from all the fanfics I've been reading. Nothing is mine. I wrote this today-this was how I was feeling today. It does not reflect how I normally feel about Yoda/Obi-Wan.

As Obi-Wan joins the living Force, he is forced to reconsider his life and actions.

**Yoda**  
He realised now, that this green Troll was the source of all his problems. As an infant, he was taken from his crib by Master Yoda’s tiny clawed hands and marked as his own. Master Yoda would then proceed to meddle in Obi-Wan’s life as he saw fit. A painful memory of his knighting on Naboo came to him. As he relived the memory, he couldn’t understand why Master Yoda had deemed necessary to divulge the information of his failures, when the council was clearly pleased with the outcome.

***

“And confer on you the level of Jedi Knight, the council does,” Yoda had said. Then he added quickly through mind speech, _"Though much to learn and reflect, you will,"_

_“But Master Yoda-,”_ He was shocked. He had expected expulsion, instead he has knighted, without a trial. This was unprecedented. He would not believe it. _“-you said I was not ready for the trials. How can I be a knight now? I do not understand.”_

Master Yoda replied in mind speech. _“Indeed. Ready for the trials, you are not. Too much anger. Too much attachment. Fail the trials, I fear you would. Now, touched the dark side, you have. Killed in anger, you have. A forbidden move, have you used. Never ready you will be.”_ So, they had watched the Holo recordings. He wanted to protest, to say he had no choice. But he knew what he had done was wrong. So, he bit his tongue.

 _“Then why not expulsion?”_ Obi-Wan replied instead, calmly, in mind speech. This was the resolution he expected. He would take Anakin and run. _“I am ready to face the consequences. I know, I was never a good Jedi.”_

Master Yoda answered him, _“Too close to the dark side you, are. Even now, attachment to the boy, you already have. Close to falling, you are. But yet, in the light you stand. Clouded, the future is. Wrong, my judgements have been.”_

Master Yoda believed he still stood in the light. He felt relief, then the double edged sword cut through him. He was silent for a while, then replied in mind speech, _“Then why make me a Knight, Master Yoda if I’m likely to fall?”_

Yoda said, _“Killed the sith, you did, when failed, Qui Gon had. Prevailed you did, where failed, our best Jedi had. A dark weapon, you may be. But one that the council will wield. Still use, there is, of you.”_

 _“A weapon I will be,”_ Obi-wan replied. He wasn’t surprised the council knew he had drawn upon the dark side. Yes, he had drawn on the dark side to defeat the sith. At that moment, as he clung on the ledge, all he could think of was his master was dying. His fear of his master dying leading him to anger. Anger at the sith who had cut down his master. The sith loomed above him, toying with him with his red lightsaber. How easy it would be for the sith to end him. A simple force push and he would be falling into the deep shaft. Instead, the sith was gloating, striking his lightsaber against the ground, sending sparks showering above him. For all his life he had been taught that the dark side clouded, but for him, it was a moment of clarity. He could feel his master, his life-force weakening, draining out of him. He could feel his master’s lightsaber at his side. His anger flared and he channelled the hate at the sith above him. He could feel the force building up within him, powerful and pliant. He vaulted up, summersaulting above the sith, summoning his master’s lightsaber to his left hand. The green blade ignited instantly as he landed in front of the sith. The sith stood confused. With a furious stroke, he drove the lightsaber left to right, cutting the sith in half at the waist. Then watched as the sith, his body splitting into two, as he tumbled down into the shaft below. He ran to his master’s side and cradled his master’s cold face. He listened to his master’s last words and promised to train Anakin.

He later realised he had done the forbidden Sai-Tok move. At that moment he didn’t even think, it was a matter of saving his master. He knew he would do it again. It was a wonder how he found his way back to the light if he was destined to fall. 

“Gone for the head, you should have,” Master Yoda chided later, when Satine had been killed by Maul years later. Master Yoda was right. It was his fault. 

Master Yoda was right and Obi-Wan was relieved that the council approved his knighthood without him taking the trials. But they wanted to use him as a jedi-weapon. He was unsure what good that would be. He had his doubts. He was after all, only _competent_ with the lightsaber, as his late master had put it. But he accepted it. If he was a knight, he could take Anakin as his padawan and keep his promise to his master.

 _“You know I will take Anakin as my padawan,”_ Obi-wan warned.

 _“The boy needs to be trained, agree I do,”_ Master Yoda said in mind-speech.

“-but agree with your taking this boy as your padawan learner, I do not,” Master Yoda had said aloud. 

“Qui-Gon believed in him,” Obi Wan replied aloud, not defiant, but merely reciting a fact.

“The chosen one, the boy may be, nevertheless grave danger I fear in his training,” Master Yoda countered.

 _“Then what will happen to Anakin?”_ Obi Wan replied as he switched back to mind speech.

 _“Agreed, Senator Amidala has, to foster the boy,”_ Master Yoda says. _“A hero, he is. Trained, he will be. A pilot, he will be. A jedi, he will not be.”_

 _“A Jedi Anakin will be!”_ Obi-Wan said. _“And a pilot, and a defender of the peace, Qui Gon said, said that-,”_

He continued aloud, “-Master Yoda, I gave Qui-Gon my word. I will train Anakin, without the approval of the council if I must,”

“Qui Gon’s defiance I sense in you, need that you do not-,” Yoda said.

Yoda continued in mind speech, _“-Train the boy, the council wants you. Objected, I have. Over-ruled I have been,”_ Master Yoda said. _“A weapon he will be, if the prophecy is true, but-”_

“-Agree with you the council does, your apprentice, Skywalker will be,” Yoda gave him a withering look. Then added in mind speech, _“Agree with them, I do not. A grave mistake this will be.”_

***

Looking back, Obi-Wan shuddered to think what Master Yoda would have decided, if not for the council’s decision. Perhaps without the Troll’s constant meddling, he would have done a better job. Perhaps he could have prevented Anakin's fall. He had protested the council's decision to make Anakin spy on the chancellor, after all. And he had wanted to take Anakin with him to Utapau, after all. But Master Yoda had refused. Master Yoda would insist that he would have to fight Grievous alone. That he had actually succeeded in destroying Grievous was something he still couldn't believe. With an uncivilized blaster. Perhaps if he had stood up to the green Troll and brought Anakin with him, things would have played out differently. 

In the next memory, the green Troll had forced him to face Anakin on the burning planet of Mustafar. As he relived the memory, he could not help but wonder if Master Yoda was wrong after all. What if Anakin could be redeemed? He had failed Anakin, cut him down and disfigured him. Left him to burn and die. The one he loved above all others, Anakin, who was his brother and his son. If he could go back in time, he would change his actions. He would save Anakin, or die trying. There was simply no alternative, he saw it now. And what the green Troll said, mattered not.

***  
“Send me to kill the emperor, I will not kill Anakin.” Obi-Wan had said. 

“To fight this Lord Sidious, strong enough, you are not,” Master Yoda had countered.

“He is like my brother, I cannot do it,” Obi-Wan protested again. _“Let us fight this Lord Sidious, together we will beat him._

 _“Not strong enough, you are,”_ Yoda had said, in mind speech. _“Protect you, I cannot. Fight Palpatine alone, I must.”_ Yoda’s words brought Obi-Wan back to his first fight with Maul and he acquiesced reluctantly.

***

 _“Go, Padawan,”_ Qui Gon had sent through their mind link. _“Find the senator and keep her safe!”_

 _“No, Master,”_ Obi-Wan replied as he tried to catch up with his master. Fear for his master was leaking through their training bond. _“We can take him, together! Wait for me.”_

They had been separated by a series of force-fields, Maul had led, and Qui Gon had followed.

 _“You will only be in the way. I cannot defeat him while keeping you safe,”_ Qui Gon sent back. He was now seated in a meditative pose. _“Go. You will not disobey me again,”_

 _“Please, master,”_ he tried to beg, but Qui Gon had raised his shields. Obi-Wan could not leave his master to fight the monster alone. As the forcefields opened, he ran to the next one, disobeying his master. He was close to where his Master was now engaging the monster. The force-field ahead flared to life, and he stopped just in time, his face inches from being sliced off. He watched as his master fought the monster. Watched as his master was cut down by the monster. 

“Nooooo,” he shouted. The anger in him boiled over and he bounced on his toes, as he anticipated the force-field turning off.

***

Sometimes he thought back to that day. Had he been the distraction that had caused his master his life? It was good that the Jedi council could not know what had been communicated through their training bond. Disobeying one’s master was cause for expulsion from the Jedi. It had been his guarded secret, one that he successfully pushed deep down and suppressed most of the time. When it emerged, it only caused guilt and self-deprecation, and tears, forbidden tears of attachment.

***

Now, he regretted how easily he had believed Master Yoda. The green Troll had made him kill Anakin. Yet, Master Yoda had failed to kill Lord Sidious. The green Troll had been wrong after all.

***

“Twisted by the dark side, young Skywalker has become,” Yoda had said. “The boy you trained, gone he is. Consumed by Darth Vader.”  
He tried to deflect. “I don’t know where to look,” he protested weakly. But Master Yoda had forced him to do it anyway. And he did his duty, even if it killed him. 

:(


End file.
